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“That I used to think you loved them,” she said, both of us laughing at my need to be affirmed in this way. It was where we appropriated Waspy signifiers like Tommy Hilfiger - before and after Hilfiger declared he hadn’t intended his clothes for black people.Įver the little brother, I implored my sister to say again what she’d said a few nights before about me and white people. The mall, therefore, was ours: It was the place where kids bought Jordans at the sneaker store - before and after Michael Jordan said nothing about the stickups we dodged to keep them. Herded east by city officials in the ’50s, black people had always lived in the South and East ends, as far as I knew.īut by the time I came of age, hip-hop had gifted explicit, outspoken materialism almost exclusively to black youth. White flight had moved much of Little Rock’s young, mostly white managerial class into this area. Beneath all that lay a still deeper history, when this area had served as the city's western frontier in the late ’60s and early ’70s. The mall had died since I’d moved away, then been bulldozed, then been replaced by another (outdoor) shopping center. We were sitting in her car in December, parked in a lot that had once belonged to Little Rock's University Mall. This past year, we’d settled into an uneasy truce.
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Which means I, from an early age, began arming myself with language and that I, from an early age, began crafting ways to double down on my right to desire white men.
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She’s the type to say things like this to my face. My older sister has been calling me an Uncle Tom my entire life.